David on DOMA

My brother David pointed out in his comments on “It’s All In How You Look At It” that white men in America have a vastly different world to contend with today.  “Sad, but it seems to be more the last gasp of the white men in charge of everything,” he wrote. “They long for the great times of the 1950′s. Great times indeed – if you were a white heterosexual male!!! They are now bombarded with things like gay marriage, women in charge, abortion and a half black man in the White House. Instead of “evolving”, they remain stuck in their outdated “morals”.”

I love David more than I can say and have missed him daily since he moved to Florida more than 20 years ago.  We talk nearly every day and cover topics banal and consequential.  Elaborating on the topic of gay marriage, within the context of what men like my dad must contend with today, David reminded me that he himself had changed his opinion 180° on gay marriage.

I asked him to be my first guest blogger, as we watch anxiously for the Supreme Court to rule on the Defense of Marriage Act.

I was given a challenge of explaining my evolution on gay marriage.  As someone who was totally against it only a few years ago, I have done a complete about face.

Let me start by explaining that I am a gay man. My life is truly wonderful in so many ways!  I have had and still have a great partner of 31 years. I have an amazingly supportive family. I have created my own amazing family!

When the term “gay marriage” was introduced, I cringed at the words. I was very comfortable with Civil Unions and couldn’t understand why the gay community kept pushing for marriage.  I knew it would bring up a whole level of resentment by religious organizations. It would bring new levels of homophobia.

My evolution began during the 2008 elections.  Florida had the great insight to put an amendment on the ballot under the guise of gay marriage.  The amendment had nothing to do with gay marriage, it had to do with stripping gay couples of any benefits.  Florida already had a ban on gay marriage, now they were taking it a step further in hopes of getting the right wingers out to the polls.  The state thought it was a good idea to strip my partnership of any rights or benefits.  This amendment would not allow me to have any say in my partners medical care if anything were to happen to him.  I could not be in the hospital with him as a family member. It would also allow his family to take half of everything from me if anything were to happen.  It didn’t matter what legal documents we already had, I was not to be recognized as anything more than a room mate.

As time went on,  I wanted something more concrete to protect what we had built. I wanted the same rights as everyone else!  Marriage!! Marriage licenses are through the government, not the church.  A marriage license would give my partner and I security in everything….property, medical decisions…etc.   Who is anyone to take away anyone else’s rights.  I have heard so much over the past few years about the people “pissing” on the constitution. Well, what about the no taxation without representation?? What about freedom of and from religion??  Lets get back to the all people are created equal thing!

Finally think of the revenue that Gay Marriage would bring.  You could tell me a marriage license would cost me $1000, I would pay it!! Also think of the “fabulous” parties we would throw! You know you want an invite!!

For my next guest blog, I think I will tackle my new found tolerance of transgendered being included in the lgbt community.

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